On learning to pivot

Reflections on overcoming hard things

This stage of life

For the past year or more, I feel like one of the things I've been learning is how to pivot when things don’t go to plan...

I don’t know if there’s something specifically hard about this particular stage of life as a 40-something, or maybe it’s just inevitable that by the time you reach the third or fourth decade of life, life has become more complicated.

Be it parenting challenges, marriage struggles, financial strains, health complications, or caring for ageing parents, or something else… most people I know have hit a few unexpected bumps in the road, and I am certainly no exception to this rule.

Whether it’s been in the ‘big’ things like dealing with multiple miscarriages and difficulties growing a family, or smaller, less permanent disappointments like having to rearrange our family holiday this summer because of an unexpected passport ‘mishap’ - learning to pivot has felt like a kind of ‘golden thread’ theme that keeps recurring.

Some of the other examples that immediately spring to mind are not that ‘small’, but looking back at them now with the benefit of hindsight, they don’t feel that big now that they are resolved.

Things like not quite getting a book deal this spring from a major UK christian publisher because “christian books on miscarriage don’t sell”, or having our family car written off after someone crashed into me and refused to admit any liability.

Still other situations remain ongoing and un-concluded, like facing the looming threat of potential redundancies at work, and issues with the school admissions system as we try to find a suitable a secondary school for my son Ben.

As I look back over the past year or so, the challenges I’ve encountered (and continue to deal with) have felt many. Yet in each of the disappointments and uncertainties, it’s been an opportunity to learn how to pivot…

What does it mean to pivot ?

To pivot literally means ‘to adapt, adjust, modify or improve something; to take a change of course or direction based on new information.’

Isn’t that a great summary of how it feels, to think your life looks one way, but then suddenly find yourself somewhere else?

You’d prayed for continued good health, but now you’re facing a scary diagnosis. You’d expected marriage to be your future, but instead your navigating long term singleness. You’d worked hard for continued career advancement, but instead you’re being let go. You’d believed for relational resolution, but instead you’re being served divorce papers. You’d hoped to have several children, but now your conversations swirl around ivf, surrogacy and adoption.

When life throws us these kinds of curved balls, sometimes we discover that some of our more simplistic belief systems and ways of understanding the world no longer serve us well.

For the longest time, although I never would have verbalised it this way, I basically believed that if I loved God and lived a morally good christian life, and always put God first, none of these kinds of challenges would impact my life.

But they have, and they do, and I’m sure they will continue to.

So, what do you do when the over-simplistic, cause and effect beliefs you hold about God and yourself and your place in this world no longer quite make sense or really work?

You learn to pivot.

You find a different way.

You discover a better story to tell.

Examples in the business world

Most of us tend to think of situations and circumstances not working out as we’d hoped as a purely negative thing. But in business terms, pivoting is simply part of the continuous product innovation process and marketing cycle. And it’s a healthy part of growth.

It’s not about denying the present reality or settling for failure or second best. Far from it, in fact. In business terms, pivoting is about addressing current challenges, adapting to changing market conditions, and is often the pre-requisite for success.

Just consider the examples of Apple (from a failing computing company to the largest smart phone manufacturer in the world), or Netflix (from mail-order DVD rentals to a global streaming site), or Starbucks (from floundering sellers of expresso machines to the largest coffee house franchise in the world), or Suzuki (from weaving looms to motorbikes), or IBM (from electronics to IT consultancy) or Wrigley’s (from baking powder to chewing gum).

The list could go on and on…

The point is that the world of business is just full of examples of floundering and failing companies that had the resilience to re-imagine their future, and pivoted their offer accordingly, going on to achieve unbelievable success.

You see where I’m going with this?

Pivoting is not about denying where you currently find yourself. It’s about recognising that present reality, but being resilient enough to not get stuck there.

Examples in the Bible

I’m aware that learning to pivot could just sound like another form of self-help lifted straight from the business world, but personally I think it’s an essential life skill and a mentality that is evident all over the Bible too.

I’m not advocating for toxic positivity or faking being spiritually fine when you’re not. Pivoting is not about denying our disappointment or minimising our pain. And it’s definitely not about looking at life’s challenges and naming them ‘blessings’. None of these ways of thinking are what it means biblically to ‘have faith’ at all.

Real faith involves being very honest about about those ‘here and now’ hardships, disappointments and struggles that we all face. But it also fiercely clings to hope in a redemptive God - who can - and will - make all things right in time.

The Bible is full of stories about ordinary people who face unexpected challenges and interruptions to their own best laid hopes and plans - and then learned how to overcome hard things by pivoting to something new.

Joseph had to learn how to pivot after being sold into slavery by his brothers, then slowly rose to power in Egypt by interpreting dreams for the king, and eventually saving his whole nation from famine.

Esther managed to pivot from growing up orphaned and exiled in a foreign land, to eventually finding favour with the King, being crowned as his Queen, and positioned to save her people from ethnic genocide.

Ruth had to pivot after losing her husband at a young age, and leaving all she knew to support her bereaved mother-in-law Naomi in a foreign land, before eventually laying hold of a whole new destiny through a second marriage to Boaz, which made her a part of Jesus’s direct line.

Mary and Joseph had to pivot from their own plans for their family when faced with some unexpected circumstances, including Mary's miraculous conception and the decree for a roman census which took them far away from home just as Mary was due to give birth.

I could go on. But again, I’m sure you get the point. I think that the ability to pivot is how faith in God is often expressed and outworked in our lives. Faith looks beyond a specific set of unideal circumstances, and it finds a better, more redemptive perspective.

Examples in my own life

For me, pivoting looks a bit like facing setbacks by saying, “Okay God, this was what I had wanted or expected or hoped for in this situation. But that’s not what has happened, or where I find myself now… “it’s hard and disappointing. But I don’t want this to be the end of my story. So, what now? Where do I go from here?”

Here’s a few more examples of what it looks like in practice:

• “So I didn’t get to have the family I had planned to… So what now?”

Pivot: That season of recurrent miscarriages was devastating, and I don’t think I’ll ever fully understand why God allowed it to happen. It’s not what I wanted, but it’s where I find myself now. So… how can I work with God to bring something redemptive out of this pain? In time, can I begin to find that there’s gifts in having a small family too? In what ways does this situation free me to pursue other things? And how can I learn to build ‘family’ in other, broader ways?

• “So I didn’t get the book deal I’d hoped for with a big UK christian publisher who were considering my book proposal… So what now?”

Pivot: That answer was disappointing and confusing, because I though this was what God asked me to do. It feels like I wasted a lot of my time pursuing an opportunity that went nowhere. But I also trust that with God nothing is wasted. So… how else can I share my story with people who need to hear it - even without that deal? What other opportunities has God given me to communicate his heart on this subject? Could there be other platforms that are even more impactful than a book?

• “So I’ve been told that my job is at risk and I could be made redundant next year… So what now?”

Pivot: I didn’t expect this sort of a curved ball at this point in my career, and it feels unsettling when I consider the potential financial impact for me and my family. But I know from past experiences that God always provides for us. So… if restructuring does affect my role, what other jobs might open up instead? And how could God be leading me to invest my time and skills somewhere else in the next season of life?

• “So we missed our family summer holiday abroad, because of a passport issue… So what now?”

Pivot: That was a big disappointment because we felt tired and were really looking forwards to that break in the sunshine. But I know that our ability to rest, relax and have fun together as a family isn’t dependent on our ability to travel abroad. So… maybe we can still go away somewhere in the UK? And maybe we can also schedule a new holiday abroad for later in the year? Maybe the timing will be even better?

A few helpful phrases

When it comes to practising pivoting, I find it helpful to use some simple ‘turning’ phrases such as ‘But still’, ‘And yet’, ‘So then’ and ‘Even so…’

These are phrases that are often found in scripture too, particularly the Psalms and other passages (often referred to as laments) that move the reader from a place of pain or disappointment or hopelessness, back towards remembering who God is and finding faith for the future.

This wasn’t what I wanted. And yet… I know you still love me (Psalm 103). This wasn’t what I expected. Even so… I still trust that you hold all the details of my life in your hands (Psalm 139). This feels hard, scary and unknown. But still… I know that you are with me. (Psalm 23). I don’t understand this. Nevertheless… I still believe that you are good (Psalm 34).

I find that these little linking phrases are just so helpful when it comes to expressing how you feel, and finding the language to express the nuances of a life of faith - of being real about the hard things that exist, while also recalling hope in who God is, and how he is always working to heal and redeem and make all things new again.

Pivoting isn’t easy

As much as I’m learning how to pivot, if I’m honest it’s still not my default setting though, or the first thing I think of doing when things go wrong.

The truth is that when things are difficult, painful or don’t go to plan, my first instinct tends to be to ask God to take all the hard stuff away…

And I’m not saying that it’s wrong to ask this of God. It’s just that, in my experience, more often than not, He doesn’t. And I think this is a really important issue to talk about.

How many people walk away from God, disillusioned by faith, when God fails to meet their needs? But God isn’t a spiritual Santa Claus or Genie in the Bottle type character, sent to fulfil our every desire and make our lives as comfortable and easy as possible. That idea is a sort of idolatry which is more about serving ourselves, than God. And it’s kind of missing the point…

In John 16:33, Jesus says that we should expect trials and sorrows here on earth, but that we can find peace in knowing His presence with us now, and His promises for the future.

It can be hard to pivot away from our pain, when setbacks and disappointments hit our lives, but I think that the alternative choice to stay spiritually hopeless, stuck and derailed, is a far, far harder option.

So let’s keep letting God’s word pivot us back towards hope.